"Man seldom questions the fact that ugliness and evil are to be found in the world. But he's never as ready to accept that life also offers unlimited beauty and potential for joy as well as endless opportunities for pleasure."

-  Leo Buscaglia

Men no longer make grand gestures of romance.  John Cusack did it in "Say Anything" when he stood on Ione Skye's lawn and blasted Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes" on his boom box.   Matt Dillon did it in "Singles" when he broke into Bridget Fonda's apartment and spelled out her name in rose petals.  That guy in the diamond commercial did it when he shouted at the top of his lungs in the middle of the Piazza San Marco in Venice, "I LOVE THIS WOMAN!!!"  According to Marvin Gaye, when a man loves a woman, he'll give up all his comforts and sleep out in the rain. 

This does not seem to happen in real life, only in movies, TV and music -- that is, "entertainment."  The idea that a man would do this certainly is entertaining. 

This does not happen to me, and I rarely see real life examples of it.  It seems that in the olden days, men used to court women with gifts, grandiose compliments, song, and declarations of love.  I know I am not the first to say chivalry is dead, but I really wonder what killed it, and when exactly did it die?

It seems men today are too insecure to take a risk or make themselves so vulnerable to rejection by making the grand gesture.  They may in fact feel amorous toward someone, but they are too scared to show it (or maybe they don't want to bother?) for fear of rejection or embarrassment.  I'm not trying to chastise men with that comment; I'm insecure and risk-averse when it comes to love myself.  But they (men) didn't used to be.  Were men back then in general more confident?  Or was that just the way things were done, so they did it?  Or is it possible that women back in the day would not settle for anything less? 

Last year a guy I dated told me he was crazy about me, and I felt this was one of the grandest of gestures I have ever received.  I guess that's a far cry from rose petals, boom box, or public humiliation, but it was the best I had gotten.  Some of you will say I don't choose the right men.  And still more will have accounts of their S.O. or self who does in fact make grand gestures.  I realize a handful of you still exist (although I would guess you don't live in L.A.), but you are mos def the exception.

So I will put this out there to all the men who want to get the girl back, win over that special someone, or just want to say "I really like you":  take a risk and make the grand gesture.  She will love it and at the very least feel flattered.  If she doesn't reciprocate, you know you made your best effort, were your authentic self and didn't cower back into the safety of doing nothing.  You can always be proud of that.

Side note and possible topic for further discussion:  Women who make grand gestures are considered "psycho" or "desperate."  Men who make them are "romantic" and "bold."  Why?

Most romantic song lyric:  "I know that in a thousand years, I'd fall in love with you again."
-  "More Than a Woman," Bee Gees

Least romantic song lyric:  "You don't have to spend your life shooting up in the trash, homeless on the street giving handjobs for cash."
-  "It's Easy, Mmkay," Mr. Garrison and the 3rd grade class from South Park 


Today I was at the gym listening to my iPod and the Bee Gees' "More Than a Woman" came on.  When I heard that line, I thought, God that is the most fucking romantic song lyric ever.  If anyone ever said that to me I would just melt.  Then the South Park song came on and I thought, And that has got to be the least romantic song lyric ever.

Yes, I like the Bee Gees.  And South Park.  The movie, not the show.  Well, the first season of the show only.  I hope that doesn't get me kicked off Zaadz. 

That I have a choice. When I'm feeling depressed or frustrated, I can choose to continue thinking about all the crap that's getting me down and why it's awful, or I can choose to see the positive, the opportunities, that I am actually extremely lucky in this life for a zillion reasons that I tend to forget.

A friend gave me a Gary Larson "Far Side" desktop calendar for Christmas.  The first page contained a note from Gary Larson, who is donating all proceeds to a wildlife organization.  I don't know much about this particular group, but I think Larson's intention and efforts are awesome.  And I loved what he wrote, so I'm sharing it here:

To whom it may concern (and I hope it's you),

I have this idea for a science fiction movie: Aliens arrive on Earth, and they are initially benevolent toward humans until a rumor starts among them that the human pancreas - when dried and processed into a cream - can help alleviate sore tentacles. It's a false rumor, of course, but we all know how rumors can take root and flourish. Anyway, it's a moot point on whether it's true or not, because the bottom line in my movie is that we're all - forgive me - getting creamed.

Okay, I admit it - my idea is rather unoriginal. All I've managed to do is come up with a little twist on something that's been happening to much of our planet's wildlife for some time, and at a quickening pace. Whatever our shortsighted or uneducated motivation may be, it's good old Homo sapiens that are inexorably pushing many species toward the eternal abyss. It's like watching a bad movie, and it doesn't even have any aliens in it.

For me, things have come somewhat full-circle on this subject. I've derived so much inspiration from wildlife around the globe, I feel a certain indebtedness to the natural world for my career. And, frankly, it's a little uncomfortable to get laughs about animals who in reality are facing desperate times. That's why I'm donating all author royalties from The Far Side^® Gallery 2007 Off-the-Wall Calendar to Conservation International (CI), a not-for-profit group that helps protect wildlife habitats worldwide.

Specifically, the money will support CI's efforts to halt illegal trafficking in wildlife. Tigers are poached for their bones to be used in traditional medicines. Turtles, frogs, and giant salamanders end up as gourmet dishes. Sharks are killed for fins, orang-utans taken as pets, elephants poached for ivory. The list goes on, and the demand is emptying entire ecosystems.

CI is training local law enforcement in anti-poaching and anti-smuggling and educating consumers and decision-makers. Local people are very much involved in CI projects, which help communities benefit from conservation. I believe CI's work will keep our non-human neighbors from becoming mere memories. To quote from an old Joni Mitchell song, "You don't know what you've got 'till it's gone." And, folks, there ain't no greater meaning to the word "gone" than extinction. And to quote from my own movie script, "Gorak! Always squeeze the tentacle cream from the bottom of the tube!"

Most seriously, please take time to learn more about CI's work and how you can help by visiting http://www.conservation.org/xp/CIWEB/programs/wildlifetrade.

- Gary Larson

I'm bored.  I don't mean in this very moment, I mean in general.  I need a new hobby, a new crush, a new adventure. 

What do you guys do when you need to shake things up?  Hopefully something that won't break the bank.  Or will.  I don't know.  Help.  =|

I love that quote.  It's by Wayne Dyer, who I'm not necessarily a follower of nor know much about, but I just thought that was cool. 

I tend to be over-analytical at times.  When something goes wrong or upsets me, I'll often sit there and deconstruct the situation, wondering what happened, why did it happen, how could this happen, what could it mean, why did it happen in this particular way, what could I have done differently, etc., etc.

And where does it get me?  Usually nowhere.  Unless this type of analysis could lead to a remedy of the issue (and by and large it doesn't), what's the point?  It's really just a waste of energy and time and doesn't allow me to grow.  That darkness can easily suck you in and hold on tight, so you sometimes have to really fight to break free and move toward the light.  But it's worth the fight.  Keep fighting.

I understand at times it is beneficial to reflect upon something in order to learn from it, but it's important not to get to tangled up in it.  At some point you have to let it go and move forward... and upward.

They say the Universe keeps giving you the same lesson in different forms until you learn it.  In my last "Hang Out" blog, I related how a breakup finally made me realize that I need to develop myself as a person before I can be in a relationship with someone else.  While I am thrilled to have had that realization, and have already seen positive changes in myself as a result (plus I got my own apartment, and am loving it!), I was still feeling sad, missing Mr. P and continuing to rack my brain over what went wrong.  I couldn't figure out why, since I knew this breakup was ultimately positive, I couldn't shake these feelings.

Then it dawned on me.  There was a second lesson the Universe wanted me to learn:  recognize my attachments and how to break them.  I have just recently started to learn about the idea of non-attachment.  Many eastern philosophies and religions claim that attachment can only lead to sorrow, as all things in life -- including life itself -- are temporary.  Growing too attached to anything makes it difficult and painful to detach when the "thing" ultimately fades away or disappears.

In my case, I don't necessarily think I was completely in love with P, I really didn't know him long enough to fully understand who he was as a person.   But I quickly grew attached to certain circumstances and ideas:  being adored by someone I cared for, having someone to kiss and squeeze, always having a date on the weekend.  I think the loss of the first one was the hardest to accept.  I've always been overly concerned about what other people think of me, and being adored by this person just fed right into that insecurity.  Now that his adoration is gone, I feel a huge loss.  

It helps to be aware of your attachments and your own personal propensity for forming certain attachments, but I still wonder how you actually prevent them from forming in the first place.  I'd like to differentiate between love and attachment, but when you love something, do you naturally form an attachment to it?  When you are attracted to someone, must you keep them at a distance so as not to become too attached?  That seems kind of sad, actually.  

Maybe part of it goes back to my epiphany from the "Hang Out Part 1" blog.  I need to be a whole person and love myself first.  I, myself, have to be enough.  So if I am involved with someone else, that's great, but if not, I still have myself and that is enough.  Still, the attachment thing is tricky.

Will probably write more on this later, but those are my thoughts... for now.

Hey, I know a lot of you Zaadzsters love "The Matrix."  But are you ready for...

The Muppet Matrix ?

http://www.magicdonnie.com/themuppetmatrix.html

It's a little scary that Kermit sounds like Keanu Reeves, but cute nevertheless!

Last night I dreamt I was kissing Mark Wahlberg.  How cool is that?  I've had a huge crush on him for years!

This is interesting, because last week I dreamt I was dating Gael Garcia Bernal (cutie from Motorcycle Diaries, Y Tu Mama Tambien), another crush. 

I don't know what this means, but normally I don't have awesome dreams like this!  Usually my dreams are somewhat disturbing or just plain weird. 

So......I'm taking this as a good sign.  =)